One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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