U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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