So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
