when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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