i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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