So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
