WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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