So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
