Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
