great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
