I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
