Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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