I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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