My nipple is on Facebook.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
