Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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