Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
