Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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