why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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