i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
