so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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