Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
