it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
