I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
