the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
