I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
