hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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be right there i have to get my cape
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
