He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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