did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she peed on how many people?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
