my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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