He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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