I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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