In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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