A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
