i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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