i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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