Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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