i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize