I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
