I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
