there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
