Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So much Jack, so little girl.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
