ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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