yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
