You're earring is so big in my mouth
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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