I just cut my nipple shaving
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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