party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
