can u get pink eye on your cock?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She bit a glass in half.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
