I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
