Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
