Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
and you said cock pushups were impossible
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
