I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize