i'm signing you up for texting rehab
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
