my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize