You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize