i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
