he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize