Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
