I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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