I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
