Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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