I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
