I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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