Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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