he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
