Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Is it because I queefed?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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