i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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