We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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