FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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