Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
