can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
This is classic penis vs brain.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
