My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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