I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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