her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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