you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
They have beer where we have blood.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
