A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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