How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
