I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I supernannyed him into submission
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
