The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
