i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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